I hope my tutors don’t ask what I did this weekend

"Oh you know. Made friends with an archangel. Some angel spread nasty rumors about Satan having a crush on me. I drew incest celestial smut. The usual."

I always hope no one at uni asks what I’ve been doing. It’d go a bit like:

"How’s your dissertation coming along?"

"It’s not. You see, I was busy being Satan, quashing people who spread nasty rumours about me, encouraging incestuous celestial smut and occasionally helping out in my little brother’s Duck Army."

"Back up, you mentioned Satan?"

*sigh* “Flawed abortion.”


do you ever roll up your sleeves to wash your hands and one of the sleeves starts slipping down like its attracted to the water and all you can think is “dont you fucking dare”

(via iamthetwickster)


tbh i hope pokemon is still a thing when i have kids
i want to show them it
then i want to crush their dreams by 6-0ing their whole team

(Source: canadad, via simpleventriloquism)

writing tip #774:


everything you write is monitored by government spies, so feel free to use this to your advantage by asking them for tips, explaining definitions of words you’ve forgotten for them to fill the blanks, and offering them as an example as you talk about your current avid readers in your query letter

(via simpleventriloquism)